#BUT I CANT FIND ANY PROOF OF IT AND ITS KILLING ME

[mangosrar]

cerebral

matt sturniolo x fem reader

this isn’t proof read 😛😛

suggestive ???

i knew this would happen. it happened with the last guy i went on a date with, and the guy before that. they just werent him. it was such a horrible feeling to sit across from someone in a restaurant searching their face for a more familiar one, one that had memories etched into his smile lines, one that had a piece of you with him. but the feeling of having him, but not being abel to have him, wasnt much better.

it was hard, finding the middle ground between my ex and my best friend. we both promised that if we ever broke up nothing would change between us. but it did. i was more cautious of him. i picked my words carefully when they left my mouth. i studied his body language whenever i was close to him. he was like a ticking time bomb. he could be set off at any minute.

lazy footsteps could be heard before i saw matt pad his way into my living room before he plopped himself down next to me. he let himself in. of course he did. he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees before turning to look at me with a sad smile on his face.

"you okay?" his voice was hushed. like if he spoke too loud i might shatter. i just nodded with a gloomy smile on my face.

"so why do you look so sad y/n?" he knew me so well and i hated it. i couldnt differentiate wether he knew me so well because he was my bestfriend for so long, or if because he was the love of my life at one point.

"just the date. i dont think you wanna hear about it" i let out a sad laugh as i spoke. his eyebrows furrowed for a second before he replied.

"youre still my bestfriend y/n. just because youre my ex too doesn’t mean you cant tell me about the new guys" he sounded genuine. like he didnt care about the new guys. like he wasnt mad about them. but he should be. i wish he was. i wish he was repulsed at the thought of me ever being able to move on from him. but he wasnt. i kept my eyes trained to the ground. there was a heavy silence as he searched my face. i could feel his wandering eyes burning holes into me. like he could see straight into my brain.

"he called me cerebral matt" i paused, eyes still boring holes into the carpet beneath me. "i didnt even know what it meant" i raised my eyebrows and let out a huff of air through my nose. "would it have killed him to call me pretty instead?" i finally looked up at matt to see his eyes still on me. a look on his face that i couldnt decipher. i hated that he could see my walls crumbling.

"you are pretty y/n" he cooed, his voice so sickly sweet. matts hand moved onto my leg. rubbing slow circles with his thumb. i hated this. i hated that he could sit there and tell me this and not be mine. how could he promise to soften every edge and hold the world to its best when he was killing me.

"you cant say thing like this matt" i pushed his hand off my leg and just like that the walls were built back up again. his eyes dropped to his hand that was now slumped onto the sofa then back up to my face. he knew this was coming.

"why not?" he knew why. he just wanted to hear me say it. i paused momentarily. weighing up my options. deciding wether to say the real reason or to just leave it hanging in the air and say something that we both know is a lie. i didnt know where i stood with matt. he would treat me like in still his girlfriend in some ways, caring for me, being a shoulder for me to cry on and always being there to hold my hand when i needed him to, but he would drop it after a few seconds, leaving cold, heart shaped scars in his wake.

"because im still in love with you" tears were threatening to spill as i spoke. his face didnt move a fraction. he didnt even blink, just staring at me like he was deep in thought. this was old news for him and he probably could have beat me to it but atleast he was kind enough to let me say it. matt didnt even speak. he just kept staring at me as he brought a gantle hand up to the side of my face.

before i could even pull his hand off my face his lips were on mine. i didnt have the type of self control to pull away. i leaned into him, craving the closeness, luckily he got the hint and pulled me into his lap so i was straddling him and the kiss grew heavy, his tongue forcing its way into my mouth, his wandering hands grabbing and groping whatever skin he could. he moved his mouth off mine and began trailing wet kisses down my neck and jawline making my breath hitch and my eyes close.

he began sucking and biting the skin on the side of my neck making me while. my hands found home in his hair, tugging softly, earning a satisfied hum from matt before he spoke against me.

"lets just get back together mh?" i was so lost in the way his lips felt on my skin i didnt even register what he had said until a few seconds later. i immediately pulled his head away from me and stared at him with wide eyes.

"what?" surprise evident in the sound of my voice.

"i dont see what the problem is, we both still love each other and i hate seeing you go on dates with shitty guys so why not?" i couldnt even reply to him. i just stared at him with my wouth hung open. what the fuck.

"if you dont want to, ill stop, but if you do, just say the words and ill give you whatever you want." he sounded so sure.

"yes" that was all he needed before he smirked and brought his lips to mine again, kissing me, hot and heavy.

the kiss was sloppy and desperate, both of us urgent for a touch we craved so badly. he ground his hips up, pressing his hard on into my heat making me whine into his mouth. i felt him smile against my lips before he kissed down my chin and throat before licking a stripe up it, pulling a moan from me, causing my hips to stutter against his involuntarily.

make up sex is good for the soul.

pt 2 coming soon an it’s spicy 🤓

taglist: @christinarowie332 @biimpanicking @soursturniolo @freshlovehacker @urmyslxt @kitaysworld @kvtie444 @chrisenthusiast @flowerxbunnie @mattsd0ll @itsjennarose @hearttshapedkisses @lovingsturniolo

[ganondoodle]

this isnt a call out for anyone; i keep getting asked why i even post my opinions on the internet if i dont want to argue whenever i mention how tired i am of people trying to argue with me or proof me wrong

and i just ... for one its bc there are people that have told me they like hearing my opinions bc it makes them feel less alone, its validating to hear that i am not alone and i make them feel less alone (this is a big reason)

then theres the thing .. do you feel good never saying your opinion on anything and just keeping everything to yourself? be it big or small, i tried to do that for years, just trying to crawl deeper and deeper into a hole bc clearly i am the problem and should be able to deal with everything on my own, never say anything, i could be annoying, i could be a burden, and it nearly killed me; i have very few friends and i already spam them enough to feel constantly guilty

and if i did that on some private account ... what use is that, thats the same thing as not saying anything, whats the use of saying anything when no one listens, even to select few, whats the point if others cant find it, there might be people i dont know at all that would find solace in hearing my stupid ramblings about games

its true i lack self control and just tend to talk about stuff when i feel the need of talking, but is that really so bad?

correct me if im wrong but i was never of the impression that posting something on the internet automatically means wanting to debate and argue unless you specifically say or initiate it on someone elses post? like thats why i pretty much always make my own post to complain and dont go on other peoples posts of opposing views, id view the latter as an invitation to argue moreso than the former

when i post some stupid opinion (im talking about harmless personal video game opinions mind you) on my own account who am i bothering, if people agree thats great! if they dont they can just move on- i know people love to discuss and share different opinions but the the ones i most often encounter are ones where its a basically trying to start a fight over whos more right (like theres always one correct opinion to have) or just telling me i am not allowed to feel like i feel-

im aware i cant expect everyone to be able to see a differeing opinion and move on without saying anything, but when i say something, unless its specifically a question, i just do it to vent, to let my thoughts out so they dont slowly gnaw at me, maybe find validation in others also thinking like that (i know i cant also expect everyone to think that way .. i just see it as a form of politeness? sorta?); in all honesty, i dont do it to get told opposing opinions (i know thats maybe a little ... idk, selfish i guess?) bc i usually have seen or heard those already and am saying mine bc i havent seen it before or very very little- what i think is often very much not the majority so the need to say something gets greater the more i see somethign i dont agree with, like an urge to balance it? a call to see if i am alone or not? and much less so to argue or debate over something like that, im tired and exhausted at all times, and have often trouble even getting myself to draw, i dont enjoy fights of any kind, and especialyl so when its about something so completely ignorable like a game opinion i only said bc i wanted it out of my head and bc i have seen that the majority seems to be of a different one

like a sticky note on a wall, not an invitation to a political meeting?

maybe this is something i need to work on and get better at, i havent found a way that lets me get rid of my thoughts in a way that doesnt leave me feeling guilty (like spamming my friends) or to gnaw at me (not saying anything, or somewhere no ones gonna hear it)

i know im incapable of shutting up ever (though at least i got a better control over my emotions by now) and i risk accidentally seeming like im inviting people to a fight but i dont know what else to do

maybe its something i horribly missunderstood about the internet, but its my only outlet for that, i dont have anyone IRL to talk to about my interests, maybe its a flaw that needs work, maybe its just a flaw, i dont know :/

[redblogavm]

a ramble on avtumblr's red & dark's bond

note: ignore any wording or grammar errors !! this was originally a ramble i sent to my friends, but i put alot of effort into it so im sharing it here w/ some slight edits just for wordflow :3c

red's just NOW finding out about what dark did to ghostie on the red blog, soooo what better time than to yap about how ive had red view tdl on the blog ?? :3c

it mostly stems from this from reds and tdls first interaction

despite red having the vibes of a disney princess i dont see red as the one to instantly forgive and all, like GENUINE forgiveness, (expecially when their friends being hurt and all are involved)

however !! contradictory thought i do also see red as one to give others the benefit of the doubt, because red likee reds canon personality is just like determination and all, like if you look at monster school red just did NOT give up on his team despite them literally BULLYING him (& suree arguably that could just be because red was trying to find a way back to the nether BUT im using it for this !!)

so with those kinda mashed together, reds just moreso been in a state of TOLERATING dark more than "i absolutely forgive you we're buddies now !!" (as much as i would love that though </3), because i kinda see reds internal thought process like "yeahhh this guy killed me and my friends !!! and that sucked !!! but hes not a threat ?? so he can just exist around me"

and also because like, the showdown WOULD have been scarring for red obviously but red DID die first, so red probably wouldnt have the same gutteral reaction as the rest of the colorgang of "i saw you kill my friends in front of my own eyes, hell no !!" sorta thing but moreso "well all i remember is ME being hurt, and just having the knowledge that my friends WERE hurt" sorta thing, as to why i see red being a little moreee tolerating with it and all

but like even though red hasnt been at the point of forgiveness with tdl they HAVE had changed views on him compared to the beginning of the blog

at the beginning of the blog, red was definitely alot more weary than xe is/was now over dark, because red has kinda got the proof as time went on that "oh, this guy really ISNT a massive threat he cant actually do anything to harm any of us !!" sorta thing !!

like red said before, hes still gonna jab at dark for the whole murder thing because 1) red finds it funny and 2) because to red its kinda a reminder to dark but also themselfs of "hey i dont forgive you or forget about this but i dont absoutely HATE you for it now" sorta deal ??? if that makes any sense

but like i think the main thing for red of being more....not entirely forgiving but..... more lenient with dark ?? stems mostly from the cat arc, cause wellll.....red was "high" on catnip you could have held a knife up to them and they wouldve just stared at you /j

BUT red being on catnip made them WAY too relaxed to have the whole internal epiphany of "well i still dont fully trust this guy im still weary but hes okay to be within 5 feet of me" sorta thing !! red was just a happy cat !!!

and thus with red being back to normal and REMEMBERING that "oh. this was dark, aka the same dark lord that killed my friends years ago, but he was kind to me as a cat, didnt actually cause any damage on the pc, didnt do xyz thing of harm" had red be more LENIENT with dark and honestly probably alot more trusting of him since dark was quite literally in the same vicinity of red and their friends, red was vunerable as a cat, and dark didnt do anything malicious !!

then even after the cat arc, red and dark did interact more, if anything i think i actually had red interact first with tdl other than tdl interacting with red first like it was before (if we dont count the post of red asking tdl to go ghost blow up green, but that was moreso red using that to get back at green then genuine buddy-buddy interaction from reds pov) because then this is where red has more trust in tdl !!

and then the ghost arc, whenever tdl shows up this time on the pc, reds fine with it because dark gave red the trust of being on it before and not causing harm !!

so literally red at the start is just like "oooh hi dark !!! yeah you can bully this ghost i think itll be funny lolol !!!" because reds comfortable enough to not be on edge or weary of tdl being around at this point !!

and thenn fast forward to when red starts to lose trust in the anons for hurting them when the anons tried to hurt ghostie, and then dark tries to talk to red, reds still petty about the murder thing, if anything a little more about it right now given the circumstance !! BUT RED. STILL TRUSTS DARK ENOUGH to not have to be weary or watch over him like a hawk compared to red absolutely wanting NOTHING to do with the anons at this momentttt !!!!

around this time period, red was all "no generating random items i dont trust you guys to be left to your own devices rn" to the anons, meanwhile despite still being reasonably pissed off red STILL. HAD. ENOUGH TRUST IN DARK. to let him talk to ghostie ALONE. ON THE PC.

so, moral of the story is, red WAS beginning to trust dark here a little more !! and honestly, would've been on the path of forgiving later on !!

but dark killing ghostie ? we'll seeeeee how red reacts to that on the actual blog :3c

( bonus screenshot that i think is funny from when i was yapping about this: )

[basil-does-arttt]

i want to yap about Lae'zel, because she's seriously grown on me through my 500+ hours playing BG3 and i just... hsjaksh i love her so much man.

First i wanna go into her personality because man, it hurts me. She is an agressive and blunt character, violent in some scenarios and not at all afraid to use force to get what she wants. It is all too easy to call her a "mean person", to put it simply, but i also want to point something out that is also true at the same time as everything i just said:

She is never the one to start shit.

The only time she ever is rude to the other companions, is when they go at her first. Shadowheart is a prime example of this, she's constantly being snarky or even downright rude to Lae'zel, so of course Lae'zel will respond in kind. When

But compare that to her interractions with Gale for example. He's just genuinely curious about her and githyanki stuff in general, and Lae'zel is happy to share what she knows with him. She even sounds quite proud of her heritage.

I find it quite significant, and it also says a lot about her character. Its all defensive, not offensive. And when you consider how she was raised, what a dangerous and violent environment it was, it makes perfect sense.

Growing up she could've been murdered by her brothers/sisters and other such kin in her crèche at any moment, should they have deemed her weak. In order to survive, she had to learn violence as her first reaction to a threat: if she hesitated to kill her classmates, they would not. Her whole life has been built around that, so its no surprise that when she's thrown into an unfamiliar situation, in an unfamiliar environment crowded by unfamiliar people, thats the first way she will react.

I also like how much of a culture shock it seems to her being in the mountain pass crèche (i forget the name apologies), she comments on how non-violent it is and how lax the rules and security seems to be. We dont know much about her crèche aside from what she tells tav, but we can gather it was a MUCH more hostile environment than this. It makes me think, is Lae'zel's crèche the odd one out here or is the mountain pass crèche the strange one? Is overwhelming violence the norm for a githyanki crèche or is that something that was unique to her's.

But she's not needlessly cruel, oh no. I want to point out another moment between her and Shadowheart as an example: when Shadowheart is trapped on the nautiloid. She says in that moment, "It cannot be helped." Lae'zel isnt trying to get Tav to leave Shart because she wants Shart to die, or because she doesnt care what happens to Shart. She's trying to get Tav to leave, because she knows that they cant waste precious time faffing around trying to get the pod unlocked. She's putting her and Tav's survival first before someone who is trapped and helpless.

Also the way she tries to get everyone - not just herself and Tav, all the companions - to the mountain pass crèche to try and purify them and get rid of the tadpoles. She easily could just go off on her own, without having to worry about everyone else - she does actually if you choose to leave her at the start of the game - but she doesn't.

The tadpoles must also be scaring the shit out of her, way more than she ever lets on. Acting scared is weakness after all, its useless - she says as much if Tav reacts that way to her describing ceremorphosis - and it makes you vulnerable, which makes you weak which makes you a bigger target for your enemies. In her mind at least.

The moment when she tries to kill Tav is a brief moment when that mask of toughness slips, and her true fears peek through. She wasn't waiting for a perfect moment to strike since she met Tav and the others, she was acting out of fear and maybe instinct to stop their transformations before the worst of it happened, a mercy kill if you will. The fact that you can convince her not to do it is also proof that it wasnt pre-meditated, it was a reaction to her fears.

I also wanna talk about the way she speaks to Tav over time. She starts out snappy and rude, with a harsh tone but as she gets to know them more, and as her approval of them increases too, her tone grows noticably softer and she even begins to greet them normally instead of just saying "Speak." You dont even have to romance her for that.

On the topic of her romance, i just... the scene where she asks to cuddle Tav makes my heart feel so full. Lae'zel, the violent and bloodthirsty githyanki, is letting herself be vulnerable for likely the first time in her life, to ask for cuddles.

Her character like i said just.... hshdhsjskhwdhakaidj. Her progression from this rude and mean person to someone you realize is just trying to keep everyone safe through the methods she knows. I love that funky little green alien woman so much.

Lae'zel my beloved, you have my heart.

[martinys-world]

The Girl

this is my first time ever to wright this on tumblr. let me know if you are want to see more. I have a whole back story to this. This is not proof read, so please let me know if there a mistake I want to see if it worth working on.

“You get everyone to the ship and escape with the key.”

One ape hand it to another. 

“what happening.”

“What about you. “

“I will distract scrope and his terracons as long as I can. It will give you and the others a chance to esape.”

I wont let you be left behind. Scrouge will kill you. My sacrifice will be nothing compared to what unicron can do with the key...

“ we need a …..”

Slinceing the other ape.

“ you are there leader now.” 

“ now go” 

With the idea of knowing there was no debate let alone time. ran. Leaveing the only place they called home. that will be devour by unicorn the planet eating monster. 

“ahh.” Hand covering my face. Trying to protect my self even thought it would do nothing. I felt a chil was what It felt like. The one that get you spinal core to shake. 

Looking back at the runaway ape did not see me.  I have to be dreaming. 

Then there this metal man robot. Is this a terrcon. What going why dose this look real. Is he losing what going on. 

“ please, stop fighting.” 

Everything was muggy. I don’t understand what going on but one thing was clear. No one is leaveing this fight alive. Everything happen so fast. They were both standing up and now one is loseing a battle that he cant win. 

Sound of a rocket was happing like it was blasting off. 

“ your not getting the key.”

“Today I won’t but my master with have a feast with your planet.”

I was running to the ape theat was laying on the ground. I couldn’t let him feel pain while he was dieing. I know none of these metal or anmials being cant see me. but dosent me I would sit back and do nothing. The one that won. Was melting something on him. He just became a blur. 

I slip pass his legs. If that was what they called them. I was at the apes face. 

“ what do I do? What can I do?”

“ put your hand on him and breathe.”

Spinning around. Trying to find something to show any type of alive or being. 

“wh-“

“If you want him to not be in pain anymore, just put your hand on him.”

I heard a groan. I will slove that voice mystery later. Put my hand on him I felt him skin want cold but smooth and warm. Surprisingly but what shock me more was the area my hand was. It was glowing and a green color. 

“huh?” 

Out of my instinct I want to pull away but the ape groan out of relief. Like he was in less pain. 

I knew that I was doing something. what would happen if I used both of my hands. I lift my hand. And place not tnext to mine but in the same level as mine. I felt eyes on me I  was next to his eye or what ever its called. Two eyes staring at one. 

“ midnight star.” 

Instead of correcting him. Knowing his time is running out.

“ its going to be okay. relax its going to be okay.”

I sounded confident but I was far from that. 

“you were always a star. in the darkest of times.”

For that slipt moment it steam like he accepted his death but wasn’t alone. I have no clue who he is but i am just glad he not alone or in a lot a pain. I saw the light shirnking as it seem like these minutes. Are turning to hours. I don’t care how long I knew the least I could do was make bearable. He closed his eyes for the final time and whisper his last sound in this life. 

“ thank you.”  

I pulled my hands back after his skin turned cold.  I was crying. I knew I was crying because there was not much I could do. I mean almost everyone cries when they see someone died, But this was different type of crying. Like I lost a friend but I never seen him before.

“sliver”

I fell to my knees in front of his eyes. It started to get windy. I wouldn’t have notice if a golf ball sized rock hit me in the side of my head.   turning to see what all the rush was about. This golden sphere was coming closer. And the center was opening up and there was rocks. My brain wasn’t comprehending what was happening. 

“Unicorn!!”

Chatper : (2)

[jabberwockprince]

I'm cooking r1999 OC stuff so i need to ramble about it hehehoho rubs my evil hands together

i had to rewrite this because i lost it but i also sound like a madman so i dont expect absolutely anyone to understand my train of thought <3

I OC-fied Tartaglia a few days ago but I just got around to thinking about his whole character and lore, and it hit me that I can just put his ass in Apeiron <3 I'd like to have an OC in each faction but we'll see how much my attention span lasts

BUT! THIS MF.

I want him to be from Apeiron specifically because the idea of an integer or equally valid number within the island acting like the most fucking feral irrational number is so funny to me. a complete betrayal of the scriptures but that somehow ends up making sense, so you cannot be mad because He Still Operates Within What Was Expected. a guy whose entire existence is just ANNOYING AND IRRITATING AND INSUFFERABLE. perhaps he's a fraction, I'm not sure yet. I'm not looking forward to researching numbers to find one that suits him thematically and shit

most likely considered a genius in an unconventional way, not similar at all to 37. more like still following the theme of opposing/overstepping while working within the guidelines. so maybe something to contrast her

37's talent for numbers is explained as an innate ability to see the numbers in everyone and see their true essence, which causes her to be isolated from the physical world and the people of her own community because she does not experience nor care about reality the same way others do. its impossible to try and understand her, because her insight is so vastly unique, but she can still provide solid proof to support her discoveries with no problem at all, as seen when she confirmed Vertin's number is 0. she cares about the scriptures and numbers, and yet she likes taking the chance to discover one's number away from others just because she can be the first one to do it

so im thinking. Aianteia could be the opposite. he cannot see the numbers in people like her, but their true Forms. the perfect geometrical shapes that can only exist in the abstract world of Forms, impossible to achieve beyond a close approximation. and because he essentially sees the "beauty" in people, he cares for the community, he is friendly and often befriends others rather easily. but he can't fucking explain why he sees the world Like That. nor provide any proof as to why someone is This Form or That Form. which renders him totally useless within Apeiron, because of the importance of proof. he cares about people figuring out their number, to discover themselves and whatnot--he cares so much that he will gladly show you which Form you're meant to be, the way the universe intended it

and THIS is when the themes of battle and war and carnage come into play. when it comes to irrational numbers or the impure, Aianteia connects their "floating points" and knows exactly what to do to purify them. to make their bodies as pure as their Forms. im saying that he basically sees fancy ass geometrical shapes and lines that let him know where to start cutting and slashing and killing. this is something he does out of genuine love and care, so that those who cant even DREAM of studying the scripture can get a fair chance at discovering their number, as irrational as it may be. all they have to do is survive

im thinking. that his scars are self-inflicted because he attempted to do the exact same thing to himself. and he survived. and he figured out his number this way. he cannot explain why or how or give proof as to why he knows THIS is his number (in a way, similar to how 37 knew from birth that THIS was her number) but i like to think that 77 took a good look at him and went "hes right." and everyone had to just. accept that this guy, most likely a very young teenager, found out his number THROUGH THE "WRONG" WAY

WHICH. IN TURN. FALLS WITHIN WHAT 37 INSISTS DURING CHAPTER 05--numbers are the eternal truth because no matter when or where or how you prove something, you and the person at the other side of the planet will come up with the same result. Aianteia has an entirely different approach that led to the same conclusion as 77's mother. once again, the issue is that this is something that cannot be corrected nor given proof. relating to the gnosis of an arcanist, and how arcanum is not a viable method of study because it cannot be verified by a third party. my brain is making connections at the speed of SOUND. anyway. the issue is that he's RIGHT. which would make him a fraction, potentially, since 37 describes them like this

Integers are the living examples of virtues. Fractions can be understood through specific means. Irrational numbers are the free spirits, while imaginary numbers are the existence which doesn’t belong to this dimension of the number axis

so he can be understood through specific means, but no one can figure out WHICH means exactly

I do think that he starts out genuinely wanting to help people achieve their purest self, and somewhere down in the middle of the road he started to have a little too much fun with the idea of being the hand that brings Forms to the world of Matters. and then as he spends more and more time outside of Apeiron, it becomes a dog eat dog mentality, whoever survives gets to be their truest, purest Form -> the strongest get to impose their ideals onto the rest. Aianteia SAYS that he's doing this to uphold the scriptures and defend them in the outside world, and this is partially true as a childish leftover desire from his initial journey. but really, its all about getting the shit beaten out of him and beating the shit out of others now to see who earns the right to live

if the Storm has been going on for 7 years, it started when he was 19, so im thinking he was around 14-15 when he left Apeiron during one of those expeditions. and they let him go specifically because pretty much everyone wanted him gone

from what I remember, both Manus and the Foundation existed BEFORE the Storm? so im willing to say that Aianteia joined Manus before the first Storm ever. but i also dont want to think too hard on time logistics because we dont have the full timeline of the game yet

[thecluelessdoctor]

i swear I don't mean to cause arguments, or anything of the sort in the FNAF community but I really need to get this off my chest about a certain ship popular in the fandom.

Now, the fnaf fandom has always had its hand full of immoral, strange, and toxic ships like most fandoms do. But I'm here to talk about William x Henry.

Please note I will be using facts I know, this isn't just opinion. I will also only be stating the vital events that help my point, because the rest is extras There also might be some events mixed up here, please just correct me on that *nicely*

Also if ur gonna say something, please don't be hating. Because you will be blocked, I don't care if you are a mutual or friend or not, you will be blocked if you try picking a fight.

ANYWAY.

So here is my thing with William x henry. I personally don't mind it too much but sometimes it bothers the hell out of me.

Let's talk about what we know about William and Henry's relationship. We know they were best friends and founded Fredbear's together, and then it is believed 83 happens, where even/chris/ what ever you call him, dies. So that'll fuck up any person so. Yk. ANYWAY, then William kills Charlie. So that's strike one right there, ofc Henry doesn't find out till later I believe but yk.

Now I thInk- when ever Fredbear's got shut down and the open Freddy fazebears is where Henry finds out anyway

Honestly Henry is stupid for not calling the cops like. Fucker you had the proof William murdered your daughter- AH YES LETS GO TO THE NEXT TOPIC- Henry here let's William go. Stupid ass- anyway, so what does William do? Change his name and decide in a British voice "I am going to become Henry's biggest problem."

I don't remember what happens but I am PRETTY SURE William does this in the toy animatronics pizzeria. Then the bite of 87 happens and it's like oh shit.

Now during this time, William finds out about reminant , which I find SO STUPID AND FORCED LIKE- HE CANT JUST BE A MAD MAN?? HE NEEDS TO HAVE A REASON FOR HIS KILLING?? anyway. Willie finds out about reminant and is like 'oo lemme go kill five more kids and watch what happens'

So yeah.

Oh and the fact William *according to what I have read* made Mike be a test subject. If that's not toxic and bad idk what is.

Anyway.

Stupid ass part one over here goes back to fazbears to harvest the remnant from the animatronics only to get himself killed YAY!

Anyway lets skip to FNaF... 6 I think. Henry/stupid ass part two quite literally trys to kill William again so like. These two are at each other's throats.

That's all I got for now- mostly because that's all I remember rn :') (jeez the FNAf lore is confusing)

I also have personal reasons on why the ship has a bad taste in my mouth but that's a different story.

Also, please note I AM NOT HATING ON YOU FOR ENJOYING THE SHIP. I just needed to get these thoughts out.

Also please, if you enjoy the ship and want to interact with me, try to refrain from bringing it up. Due to bad memories I will likely start unintentionally judging or disliking you and I don't want that

[sperm-in-mcdonalds-sprite]

I empathize with Palestinians, not the so called "freedom fighters" gang raping and killing people. The innocents we see.

But i am so fucking tired of this, a cake page i followed that was run by an Arab woman keeps saying I'm so tired i cant do this. But she just keeps sharing so much outstandingly tone deaf posts.

Last week it was "you expect me to condone Hamas when not even the 'hostages' do"

This week she said that she cannot empathize with "the other side" because there is none, because the Israelis are enjoying the Renaissance movie (and of course she had to point out it was haram, a statement that doesn't matter to the Israeli people)

How could they enjoy themselves, how could they have a break from the terror and the fact the whole world is telling them they don't belong in their homeland. That they are colonizers to their home. How could they enjoy anything, since after all they are jews.

She kept saying how there is no proof of the attacks on October 7th, while also saying she blocks anyone with the smallest varying viewpoint. I cant disagree with the logic there, at least i see the carnage on both side though i plan on blocking anyone telling me to kill myself in the tags.

I keep seeing people say that its a slow genocide, completely ignoring the fact that none of this checks off any boxes on the genocide code. (Almost as if it isn't a genocide its just a war) I'm not going to praise the idf, but I'm sure as hell not going to act like they are perfect. All military forces are varying ranges of fucked up with people who use it as an excuse to harm anyone.

But don't act like it isn't the same on the other side, Hamas has been the ones harming every fucking person in their own state. They were voted in when they are just as bad as every fucking other terrorist group, they paraded the streets with the bodies of their opposition just like the paraded the streets with the women they murdered in Israel.

Just like they did with the hostages that people are bragging about looking so happy. You all say it like they weren't held captive while their family was waiting for them to cone home safe, like they don't look thinner and the bags under their eyes are deeper then ever. Like the little children didn't witness their families killed and the young girls only stopped talking after being held captive because who knows what the sick fucks did to them in their cells.

I find it so interesting how everyone is using their voice to call jews fucking colonizers. To call them white even, given so many were killed simply because they werent white enough. Sorry to the millions slaughtered in the camps, turns out you were really white all along.

I saw someone say "Bethlehem, Palestine" and nothing has made my blood boil more. Could you imagine the uproar if this was in Mecca, if the romans instead pushed them out of their homeland and when they finally returned the new settlers acted like their sacred ground wasnt theirs any longer.

But of course, when its the jews it doesnt matter.

They dont seem to acknowledge that if anything, the arabs are the colonizers and were for so much of history. Or that the whole state of Palestine was created because the Romans hated the jews so they pushed them out of their land and named it after their enemies (Philistines) and when europe named the land again it was after the short lived country. Once again stealing it from the ones who should have had it, but once they reclaimed their home they were the evil cruel people.

do you think the lost jewish souls greet their families in heaven, and their ancestors excitingly ask if they have their home back. If they are finally safe. If they can finally be somewhere without being killed.

One day people will realize too late, that once the jews are lost they cant come back. That the blood waged against the people who were just like us stained their hands.

I am not Christian or Jewish or anything, but i pray in whatever afterlife there is the Palestinian and Israeli souls that were lost are blowing bubbles in a land without pain, that the sun shines on them every morning. And they are greeted with hugs from the people around them

[ramenwritesss]

nobody asked me to answer, but I’m gonna anyways 😝

🎱 ⇢ post your AO3 total stats 

Idk how to do that lol

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction?

I couldn’t find any fics that I wanted bc I’m too specific, so I started writing. It was purely for fun and I wasn’t fully thinking about the fact that people might actually read it AND enjoy it lol

  🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

me and some of my moots from TikTok created this playlist lol (it’s, like, 14 hours long)

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that? Idk what that means but ima go off of what I’m thinking and that is just editing while proof reading and I enjoy it! 10/10

🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis

🙏👉😁🔥💀 (no, it’s not abt the burning church 💀🙏)

🥑 ⇢ you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help?

I’m new here, I have no EXTREMELY close moots so idk. But @paul-ster seems pretty chill so probably them (

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

I HAVE SO MANY I LOVE! But if I had to choose rn Soracha for the author and “Ron Weasley and His First Year at Hogwarts” by snoopy_owl. Two of my favs!

💌 ⇢ how many unread emails do you have right now? 

none, believe it or not. I constantly check it for ao3 updates. But I also have three separate yt accounts so I get regular emails abt comments and updates and I normally check them everyday. The only exception is one email I use for spam sites like grammarly, that email has 408 unread emails.

🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis

@fictionalcharactergraveyard

🐇 ⇢ do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both? 

ooo, neither tbh. Unless its a one-shot or a mini fic where I add a S/O or like my unpublished Uber fic where I had to add several OG characters, I don’t like adding new ones bc I think it disrupts the story a lot and I normally don’t read fics when people do that. And personally, unless it’s the ones that are supposed to be halrious and satire, I think self-inserts are kinda cringey bc most people who write them over-sexulize the characters and add weird stuff in that makes me cringe (key word: MOST not ALL) but also I just cant imagine myself dating someone let alone my comfort characters.

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

I don’t think I have any

🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time?

I just can’t get into the writing mood. But when I start it’s really hard to stop

  🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

PURLY! I love to think Curly calls pony “Mi Amor” or like calls him pet names in Spanish. I think it’s really cute

🧸 ⇢ what's the fastest way to become your mutual?

literally don’t be fake as hell. Don’t be all shy and sweet like, if you are comeback or Yapping king/queen then tell me bc we can yap together. Like, If I can call you Pookie within the first four interactions, we are besties, considered us married at that point

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

I’m redecorating my room, I got a new puppy, and- wait, bitch, who gives a fuck, let’s be honest 💀🙏

📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?

can’t say bc it’s an unpublished chapter of a on going fic 😝

  🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

Harry Potter is kinda an ass

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I don’t write anything too bizarre so I can’t think of anything

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

strive to accomplish what you set as a goal, not what society set as a standard or a must

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

My comfort character gets ignored hard core, makes new friends, get into shenanigans, and then a lot of angst ensues. Who would write it best? Mmm…Fictionalcharacter graveyard or Soracha

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

if you have a scene you want to write for a fic, start writing it but ONLY WRITE THE DIALOGUE. You can add who said it but I do it all the time and it gives me new ideas and gradually helps me continue a fic. It’s also easier to add detail in between when you are focused on that instead of getting to the next dialogue scene.

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh 

Nick Sturniolos iconic “Then he will taste the rainbow while he goes out”

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

“I LOVE THIS, I CAN’T WAIT FOR ANOTHER CHAPTER!” Then they go on an entire yap session about how they think the fic will turn out or parts they’re excited for. It always makes me happy to see someone enjoy my hobby as much as I do even though we have different perspectives 🤭

🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate

Alr, ik im gonna get backlash but i cant stand Cherry Valence. 1. I will give it to her, she’s a downright badass.

2. her hair is really pretty

3. She was nice to pony at the drive in, I’ll give her some points (still don’t like her too much tho)

🥝 ⇢ do you lie a lot? what's the most recent lie you told?

Not much. Okay, this is gonna sound so fricking clique but that last lie I told was “Yeah, I’m fine, just tired” even though I know damn well I’m probably depressed asf

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately

I have only older siblings and every time one moves out, I stop talking to them so I don’t become the annoying youngest sister, so I’m afraid their gonna forget about me, and they probably will. I only have two siblings that still live with me so that’s only two more people left to forget me before I’m totally alone lol. (Depressed, see?)

  🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing? 

book writers that can describe really well.

🍅 ⇢ give yourself some constructive criticism on your own writing

I think I’m too impatient and give myself an unrealistic deadline for stuff

🐚 ⇢ do you like or dislike surprises?

I like them a lot!

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

I’ll add that later lol

☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username?

it was a name my family wouldn’t be able to find. I’m embarrassed to write bc my family LOVES to pick out your insecurities and hobbies and never let you live them down.

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

again, I’m new here, so nobody here is my “supporter” but @shae-pine has liked all of my posts so ig them? I got to say, that “The Youngest (The Favorite)” fic I really liked! Ur also just the sweetest person ever! 😭🫶🏻

🌸 ⇢ do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them

I have 7 (I had 8 but my cat passed away yesterday, RIP in the comments for Sophie 🩵)

I won’t post pics because that’s a large file 😭🙏

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

I DONT HAVE THE LINK BUT I LOVE THIS

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

self insert, too much OOC scenes, pairings I don’t like, oc’s/characters unless it’s the character I’m reading abt, pure smut or p*rn, over sexulization or romanticizing R*pe, over detailed non-con, specific characters are dead, and the fic doesn’t focus on a character that I wanna read about.

[supercupcakecollector-love]

Why I'm excited and not worried about the Witcher season 3

season 3 will be awesome and much closer to the books than season 2, don't believe me? I have proof  

We are now about 3 weeks out from the season 3 premier, comparatively 3 weeks out from season 2 there where already reports about a lot of the stuff that  wasn't in the books.

 -Eskel`s death,

 -2 big fight scenes at  Kaer Morhen, 

 -Voleth Meir,an all powerful evil magical being that tricks those who want their deepest desires,

  -the scenes together with Yen and Fringilla 

  -and expanded roles for  Istredd and Fringilla( I actually liked these editions finding them much more interesting than in the books where they are just involved in love triangle stuff with Geralt and Yen)  

but we know that many beloved scenes from Time of Contempt are making it in as well as a few crucial skipped moments from blood of elves  

based on the trailer we are  getting alot more family bonding, fluff, laughter Yen teaching Ciri magic, Geralt and Yen rekindling there relationship ,  Geralt and Jaskier actually being friends now ( apparently the writers have learned that you can have slow moments of  characters just talking, laughing and getting along, they don't have to just bicker, fight monsters , and encounter evil all the time )     (( that's the last of the salt in this post I promise)) 

 first of all, Stephen Surjik director of the  A Grain of Truth episode is returning 

based on the trailer/stills, casting reports, as well as set scouting pictures from  Redanian Intelligence, we have these scenes confirmed : 

- Jaskier singing to the dryads in Brokilon

- the scenes in  Shaerrawedd 

-Geralt visiting  Codringher and Fenn 

 -Ciri and Fabio Sachs, the circus and the Wyvern

- The Thanedd Ball 

-  Ciri in the  Korath Desert, with  Ihuarraquax

-  Geralt fight with  Vilgefortz

comparatively I don't think we had any confirmed in the book scenes in the speculation before season 2  

the only changes I that I have found are:

Jaskiers bisexuality and romance with  Radovid and Vespula 

Id like to clear up some rumors here, they are not “ aging up a character who is later a tyrant” this  Radovid is King  Vizimir`s Brother, not his son, a completely different character, and there are multiple characters named  Radovid in the  Redanian royal line in the books so its not impossible for the two characters to happen to have the same name in this instance 

for the people who are upset about this change, they already changed Jaskier from the books, there he’s the archetypical pervy, womanizer bard archetype, in the show he still sleeps around with wives alot but he`s more of a golden  Retriever “ falls in love with everyone” type than a skirt chasing pervert.  So if most people were positive about this change, why should what gender his lovers are matter     homophobia that's why

Frankly im just glad we are getting a bisexual male character that will be  involved romantically with a man a and a woman on screen as two different relationships I cant even think of any examples on tv of that 

 the possible premature fate of Rience

honestly this one is just set scouting speculation that he dies here, but I really don't think people are going to be as upset at a chaotic evil character dying as they were Eskel, 

The original character of Gallatin 

he seems to be somewhat inspired by Isengrim and  Iorweth, a scarred elf that is the leader of the  Scoia’tael  guerrillas, based on the fact that they felt they had to make an original character rather than use one of those two,( they likely wont be killing any book characters off prematurely who are not a villains after whole Eskel debacle) as well as reports the actor wrapped filming quickly, seem to indicate he wont survive the season ( could this be part of what leads Cahir into joining the hanza next season) 

to conclude im super excited, this season is packed with scenes I ( and alot of others) have been really wanting to see I cant wait 

[coveredinredpaint]

hi! my name is rex too and i think thats pretty cool

anyway, i was wondering if you had any tips on dressing feminine but like,,,, also being able to pass? or tips on being confident enough to not need to pass?

heyy that is pretty cool!!

im gonna be honest with you, i never really managed to pass before starting t. there were like 5 times ppl gendered me correctly but after that they immediatly "corrected" themselves. the only person who didnt was a toddler, i hope hes doing great.

all the tips and tricks ppl gave out never worked for me, never managed to figure out why, im thinking it was mostly my voice.

so i got absolutely no passing advice for you, but i can definitely tell you how to work on your confidence and say fuck you to societies ridiculous expectations

(it turned out longer than i distracted, i cant give concrete advice apparently my apologies)

tw: mention of bullying and some mental health stuff but nothing heavy

before i start i will say that it takes time. it takes time to learn and let go of this need to fit in. to learn to do your own thing even if you have to do it alone. to grow and learn who you want to be or are.

first we need to understand that expectations of how we should act or dress or look, whether based on our gender or not, are absolute bullshit. like straight up made up.

step one is kill the cop in your head. every time you judge yourself (or someone else) for something, ask why you care about that. most of the time its cause you have been taught in some way that what youre doing is not according to "the rules". this can be for the smallest things, like when i get really excited and stim about something i used to feel embarassed because "men dont act like that". sometimes i still feel that way. its not something you can just get rid of, so its important to actively affirm yourself that what youre doing is okay and that you are allowed to do what makes you happy.

dealing with yourself is already a hell of a challenge, but other people, that something else. i hope you live in an accepting area and i have heard many stories of people are queer fully accepted for it. but often thats sadly not yet the case. surely isnt for me at my school. there are people who are gonna make you feel like shit, who are gonna call you all the horrible things the voice in your brain calls you too. you are gonna wish you were "normal" sometimes, even if you dont really mean it.

going back to normal? going back in the closet? letting go of the clothes that make my feel better even on the most dysphoric days? fuck no, i finally started to get myself, my life back, im not sacrificing that for some teens whos names i dont even know. so you turn it around, no longer "why do they treat me like that" but "how dare they treat me like that" if they kick you while youre down you better bite their ankles and dont let go. most people who bully people who are "other" are terrified of what they see in us. we are living proof that their belief of how the world should work is very wrong. they call you a fag and a tranny? you better come to school next day in the gayest clothes you own. they call you an emo and bark at you? you better be dressed even more punk the next day. they may laugh at you, yell at you, even record you or push you around. it doesnt matter, they hold no power over who you are.

but please do not try and carry this alone. dont let yourself turn bitter. its is difficult to be treated like shit for simply existing. even when it doesnt hurt as much as it did its still exhausting. find someone to talk to, whether its a family member you trust, a friend, a mental health professional or other queer people online. its important not to suppress your feelings. get them out, by either talking about them or writing or making art or music.

know that its your life and you can live it however the hell you want. be kind to yourseld, be kind to others. if you are not where you want to be to right now you will in the future. cant really call it a life if you didnt live for it. it will get better, you just got to keep going and keep fighting.

[booknerd28]

Comfort: Part One Azriel x Elain

A/n: Hi!! This is the first fanfic I’ve written and I’ve been reading so damn much of it I was very inspired to write some of my own so here we go! Be nice to me please!! I want to write more of this (and include the most smut and fluff) so its a series now because I got carried away lol

Includes: soft!Azriel discussions of feeling invisible and like nobody knows the real you. mostly fluff and a little bit of Elain angst. Mentions of grief and slight ACOWAR spoilers. He calls her sweetheart and comforts her and it warms my cold dead heart 💃 also I didn’t proof read this so I can guarantee nothing is misspelled but I can’t guarantee the grammar is perfect 🤪 ENJOY!!!

Azriel

Holy shit

I stop dead as I spot Elain standing on the bridge that runs over the Sidra staring down at the river like shes looking for answers she can only find in the sparkling waters. No one is usually up as late as me so when I decided to walk through Velaris I didn’t expect to find anyone especially Elain in the streets. I was walking to stand in the exact spot Elain is standing to be alone and think and was so absorbed by my thoughts I didn’t even notice her standing there until one of my shadows screamed it at me. I debate just turning around and leaving but she looks so sad I can’t bear to turn away and leave her alone.

So I walk up to the bridge and stand next to her trying to think of something to say when she startles at my presence. “Oh! Hello Azriel” she says seeming to snap out of a trance.

I wonder what had her looking so solemn a moment ago what was running through her mind and I debate asking when she again says “I didn’t expect anyone to find me here” she says subdued as if shes saying it more to herself than to me.

I scramble for something to say. Damn it I should’ve walked away I cant comfort her anymore than I can comfort myself which isn’t at all. So I settle on something simple because it was too late to walk away. “Hi Elain, I didn’t either” I stumbled over the words like an absolute idiot.

She looked at me with that shining hair and those gorgeous eyes which were alarmingly red as if she’d been crying rendering me even more speechless than I already was. I open and close my mouth like a dying fish and then quickly look to the lake so hide the flush of embarrassment I could feel rising to my cheeks.

We’re quiet for a long moment after that until she quietly asks “Do you ever feel invisible?” I turn my head to her surprised at the question and I think on it. My entire life I wanted to be invisible welcomed it even because it meant that I was safe but nowadays it felt more like a prison than a comfort so I nodded.

I notice her eyes burning holes into my cheek so I turn my head to look at her to see tears in her eyes. I instinctively opened my arms to her hoping to offer any sort of comfort I could even if I didn’t exactly know what was bothering her so much. She walks into them burying her face in the crook of my neck while I stroke her hair savoring her warm soft skin against me.

I had had a crush on Elain for months but never acted on it because she had enough going on and I didn’t want to push her among other things. Her body starts vibrating with quiet muffled sobs and my heart breaks. I would hunt down whatever or whoever caused her such pain and take my sweet sweet time butchering them/destroying it.

Softly I ask, “Sweetheart, whats wrong?” she doesn’t respond simply tightening her arms around me. “Who do I need to kill?” I asked lightly trying to get her to laugh. Im rewarded with a small huff of breath and then a couple second later she pulls away just enough to look up at me with those gorgeous brown eyes and sighs, resting her head on my chest.

I continue stroking her hair waiting until shes ready to share whats bothering her. “I-I sometimes feel as if…”she shakes her head “never mind” she says pulling away farther. “I don’t want to dump anything onto you” I shake my head pulling her back in needing to hold her for as long as I can “No, please tell me” I plead softly.

She closes her eyes takes a deep breath then says “I sometimes feel like im not really alive, like im floating along and just surviving. Today I went to visit my dads grave and it just hit me that I’ll never be able to talk to him again and that im all alone in this world now” I frown “you’re not alone. You have Feyre and Nesta and me and Rhys and Cassian would do anything to protect you too” I refute. She shakes her head “I feel like Feyre and Nesta don’t really see me though. They see this meek quiet kind girl when I don’t feel like thats who I am anymore. I love my sisters but I don’t think they know the real me. I don’t think anyone does”

I frown even deeper I worried she felt like this ever since I noticed her hands tighten into fists when Feyre and Nesta said her powers we’re not to be used unless it was the last resort. “What do you want to do about it?” I asked diplomatically. If she needs help letting them know how she feels I will gladly take that weight of her shoulders.

“I think… I think I want to let them know I don’t appreciate being treated like im fragile” she says determination coloring her voice. I nod and pull her closer kissing her head. “Do you want my help telling them that?” I tentatively question. She shakes her head strongly in my arms. I release her so I can see her face, wipe away her tears and say “Thats my girl”. The prettiest smile blooms on her face and I grin, kissing her forehead. I swing my arm around her shoulders and start walking off the bridge kissing the side of her head. “Lets go get some sleep and then you can put them in their place sweetheart” I joke, she punches my arm and chuckles her face lightening like the sun thats just starting to crest the horizon.

[irlkanamedate]

The current state of my mental health.

Gonna be real honest right off the bat. Its bad. You guys know its been bad but I mean its real bad right now.

Im a mess and it won't make any real sense i dont think so read or not, its under a cut.

[Suicidal, eating disorder, just in general bad shit I guess]

Its been months of feeling worse and worse and feeling utterly hopeless and lost. Months of constant bullshit from either my brain, my living situation, my fucking financial situation, or whatever else decides to come by and ruin what I thought was things getting better.

I find myself once again falling back into the delusional spiral because I'm having a harder and harder time regulating my emotions and mental state and if I had ever been mean or snippy or just awful to you guys, I am genuinely sorry. I dont even remember a lot of this shit I did cause my visual timeline of things have been cut so much due to just being in this black fog of self loathing.

And maybe it is my own fault for self sabotaging and dipping from so many things. Ruining friendships and all idk. Hell i can't even bring myself to actually talk to a lot of you guys cause im just so... fucking lost.

Constantly torn between multiple different sorts of realities in my brain and being too much in a constant bad mood to feel comfortable engaging or I might say something bad or be snippy so I just run away from it again and again.

I am just some kind of burden to you guys in my own mind. Some kinda burden to my own family. Just some hopeless directionless corpse that genuinely feels like I have made no real impact to anyone. And it isnt any of your faults. I know this isn't really... true. But its such an active hard struggle to fight against this pure delusional thought that I get so tired.

I get so tired trying to just... remind myself over and over. And then my brain fight back going like "if it isnt true then why are you the only one saying it? Where is your proof?" Or pulling some other bullshit move to make me believe this false reality.

Im so tired guys. But I hate being a burden. You guys say I'm not some times but I can't stop feeling like one.

Im not saying this or ever do anything to make you guys shower me in affection and love. I never want to manipulate that sort of thing. I never intend to. But sometimes I think I do it subconsciously cause im just fucking blinded by so much shit.

I cant help but think how much I might actually be a horrible person.

Especially when I want to be mad. I want to get angry. I want to lash out. But I know its often unreasonable. But fuck when I try to be reasonable and hold back and try to be mature I still get a fucking shit result.

I dont know what to do.

I feel like everything is always and has always been my fault. My fault always my fucking fault. It's my fault I can't make decisions. My fault im a people pleaser. My fault I got assaulted. My fault I am poor.

I stopped eating cause I believed it could help my mom if she didn't have to feed mr along with that fucking bastard but here I am spending money on non essentials cause it made me happy.

But nothing really makes me happy in the end does it?

Im still here. Shit living situation, poor as shit, unable to hold a job due to multiple reasons. Unable to get proper medical care. Unable to truely be the fucking man I want to be. Unable to express anything properly and truely.

Im suicidal as shit. I made promises to many people I wont do it. And I still won't. But because guilt is whats keeping me here really.

I do love all my friends so much. I appriciate so much of what you guys do for me. And im so angry and upset I can't always see that cause my brain is so hell bent on killing me.

So I just feel guilty all the time. That I still feel like fucking shit even though I get love and care. I feel guilty for asking for things. Feel guilty for taking up space, for needing things, for just being alive but also feeling guilty for wanting to die all the time now. But I can't kill myself cause I feel guilty for breaking promises and making people sad. But I feel guilty for expressing just how bad I am cause that makes people sad.

Im stuck here by guilt and I dont know how to change that so I just feel worse and worse and worse. I cant eat but I try to eat a little so I dont make people feel too bad but I hate eating.

I dont know. I just dont know anymore.

I cant see any real future for me. I just can't.

And so im just... stuck here. Just existing day by day. Silently hoping one day I just never wake up again. Cause then I didnt make that choice. Something or someone else did for me. And I wont have to feel that guilty. Or something. Or at all cause I wasn't really awake. I dont know.

Im sorry. I'm just not ok. And this isnt even all of it i dont think but im just... so tired.

I am so tired guys.

[riddlesmoon]

maybe the wand only knows someones power once theyve come into proximity with them, by duelling (decides its current master isnt strong enough) or being used (decides current master is The One).

after all, we hear all this talk about it choosing the most powerful master, but in all the examples in history, the master also happens to be the one who has the wand at the time. theres no cases of "the wand was passed around and decided it was definitely this dude". sure you beat the previous owner so youre clearly the master. i mean, theyre not gonna hand it back to check, right?! you could say well it just doesnt work if youre not the master, but we dont really have any evidence... until Harry, who supposedly owns the wand for a good chunk of time while Voldemort has it (who can still perform his "usual magic") (oh and possibly Draco too but i cant remember if the Manor skirmish happened by the time Voldemort stole the wand)

SO LETS BREAK IT DOWN. and by that i mean my god, i talked so so much. i even accidentally made the opening 3 paragraphs long 😭 anyway

the first part of the legend says the eldest brother had the wand stolen while he was asleep, not even while duelling (though this is of course the fairytale version so it may not be true) so maybe the wand senses "oh this guy is so lax hes leaving me out for someone else to take me? well hes definitely not cut out for this" and goes to the next guy. its not the killing that does it, but the owner disappointing the wand.

so if Gregorovitch found the wand without a master nearby, maybe its old master died with it or in an altercation. if the former, thats what Dumbledore tried to do, but ill get to that. if the latter, the other guy clearly either also died or did not bother picking up the wand, so theres no master for the Elder Wand to choose at the moment.

i think whoever manages to find and pick it up is the most powerful wizard... to the wand. if we wanna go more sentient-magical-object, a wand thats so powerful it only chooses the best would be preeetty arrogant... (i am reminded of a theory that the brothers put pieces of their soul in the items) so of course the wand is going to justify to itself, "yes, my current holder is uber powerful. i mean, they managed to find THE wand of all time! but i mean if someone better comes along..."

after all, whats the point of being an all powerful wand without a master? the Elder Wand needs a master. without it, its just a stick. so come on! pick me up!! use me!! lets do something crazy!!!

SO. with this in mind, i do think Dumbledore loses allegiance of the wand the moment he is disarmed. like, "you let your guard down??? im out" (sidenote: it could also be possible he lost allegiance at any point after getting it from Grindelwald, because after Grindelwald he refuses to do things like take powerful positions or like. duel. idk actually what Dumbledore does other than be a headmaster. it could be that the wand thinks this guy is boring as hell, but no ones defeated him and taken the wand from him yet, so, clearly still good enough to keep it.) (this also invokes the image of the Elder Wand getting really excited during the Ministry duel. like "oh FINALLY im getting some action!") (yk maybe thats where the reputation for it making the wizard cast more powerful spells comes from. it gets excited when duelling and does bombastic stuff lol)

OKAY. SO USUALLY since people fight for the wand intentionally, obviously theyre going to take the wand they won and become the next master. but Draco doesnt know about the wand. he doesnt pick up the wand, so the wand is left masterless. sleeps in the tomb for a while. new guy picks it up. new master! yay! lets do stuff! please!! (granted Voldemort did say something about "i have done my usual magic" but uhhh the wand getting excited was just a hc and theres no actual proof it lets you cast more powerful magic... UNLESS he hasnt proved himself to be powerful enough. maybe it remembers him from the Ministry duel lol. OR, just the canon explanation where its current master is Draco -> Harry so it doesnt enhance his magic.)

SO. in this case Voldemort is the master, or its masterless. how does allegiance transfer to Harry if it never went to Draco? how does Harry win the final duel?

maybe when Harry gives himself up, the wand thinks "killing someone whos literally offering his life is just so pathetic, its not even a duel" and just loses allegiance. maybe it chooses Harry by proximity (or, i just thought of this, the AK rebounding back feels (to the wand) like Harrys the one who killed Voldemort lol), maybe its just masterless. when they duel, it doesnt matter if the wand actually belongs to Harry or not, it just doesnt belong to Voldemort. and Harry does use the Disarming spell and catch the wand, so by now, hes definitely the master.

alternatively or combined with that, it could be a Master of Death thing where hes always meant to be the MoD across timelines, fate etc. or the wand can sense that Harry has the Cloak and Stone. kinda like oh you found my family! oh becoming the Master of Death is just reuniting the three brothers... wait thats kind of cute

alternate-alternatively, we cut at all the way back where Draco Disarmed Dumbledore (what a phrase) and say okay, the wand really did go to Draco there and somehow is able to tell across miles that Harry has beaten Draco (who knows, wandlore is a ~mysterious thing~), and everything plays out like canon, just that the reason Voldemort killing Harry doesnt pass allegiance to him is the Harry-offering-himself-up thing, or MoD, or oh, i dunno, because he didnt even die 😂😂😂 the spirit of Antioch Peverell going "he was literally just standing there and you couldnt even kill him?! thats it im done." while Cadmus and Ignotus snicker by the side

or maybe it senses that Voldemort killed the piece of his own soul in Harry. which is, well, himself. so the wand does a sort of "you just killed yourself? not very chad and anti-Death of you my guy. and that guy actually did escape Death holy shit" bit and loses allegiance in that moment, or switches to Harry, it doesnt matter.

SO. ALL THAT SAID. conclusions. yes.

the Elder Wand chooses its master by picking whoever manages to wield it

but if they disappoint the wand, usually by by losing a duel or being killed, then theyre no longer its master

but it doesnt necessarily transfer to whoever beat them until said winner actually picks up the wand

and if not? back to "whoever manages to wield it"

and the reasons H is able to claim ownership of the wand by the final duel (working off the theory that V became master by stealing it off Dumbledore):

V loses ownership of the wand by not killing Harry clean (can also be read as: H evades Death), and H wins it in the ensuing duel

or, H gets ownership after coming back to life because V self-defeated in some way

or, H gets ownership (or the wand considers him more than V. or always had ownership, whatever) because hes the Master of Death

or, H gets ownership because he has the Stone and Cloak with him and the Wand recognises them

or we can go back to Draco Disarming Dumbledore and say:

Draco owns the Elder Wand post-Dumbledore death

Harry owns it post-Malfoy skirmish

V killing H does not transfer allegiance because of one of the reasons above

WHEW. AFTER ALL THAT. after all that Snape still died for no reason LMAO whoops i totally forgot about the possibility that it really does pass through murder. erm. itd just be Snape -> Voldemort -> (one of those damn reasons above again) -> Harry.

WE DID IT WE FINISHED THE POST! im so sorry its so long and probably disjointed and messy its literally like 5:40am and ive been writing this post for two hours 😭 worth it tho

now i have thoughts of mini Peverells in the Hallows watching over people who own them, influencing them to use them... that could be an interesting oneshot series.

How the Elder Wand Choses its Master

So, this is a short theory, but it is an interesting one and I kinda wanna make note of it anyways. And that is:

I don't think the Elder Wand allegiance works the way we're told.

To clarify, I don't think the Elder Wand passes to whoever defeats its master. I have a few reasons to think that, and I'll cover them here.

Firstly, it doesn't make sense. Like, the legend of the Elder Wand is that it's udefeatable. An unbeatable wand whose wielder can never lose. Except, the wielder does lose, and often. It's how the ownership supposedly transfers from one master to another. We're told Dumbledore won the Elder Wand when he defeated Grindlewald in a duel. We see Draco win its allegiance when he disarms Dumbledore.

It just doesn't make sense for both legends to exist simultaneously. How can an unbeatable wand be won in a duel? The whole point is that it's impossible to win against it.

Secondly, its allegiance clearly doesn't work the way the legend says it does. So, if we look at the ending of the books, as an example, Dumbledore was the master of the Elder Wand, and then Draco disarmed him, becoming the master. Harry disarmed Draco from a different wand and became the master like that. Then Voldemort kills Harry in the forest, but Harry is still the master of the Elder Wand?

I mean, Voldemort killed Snape to become the master of the Elder Wand (when he thought Snape was the master), but when he killed Harry, it didn't help him. So killing Snape was useless?

Like, we outright see that defeating the master doesn't make you the master when Voldemort kills Harry.

(And if it was because Harry threw the fight, then Draco shouldn't have become the master after Dumbledore because Dumbledore didn't fight Draco by choice)

So what does? How does the allegiance change?

Well, Ollivanders tells us exactly how: "the wand chooses the wizard"

This is just as true for the Elder Wand as any other wand.

What I think the Elder Wand does is that it chooses its wizard. Essentially, in a duel where one wizard has the Elder Wand, the Elder Wand chooses its preferred owner and then chooses who wins. If it wants its current master to win, it's unbeatable. If the wand decides it wants the opponent, though, it chooses who it wants to madter it and throws the fights it's in.

It's why Dumbledore defeated Grindlewald and won its allegiance — the Wand chose Dumbledore.

It's why killing Harry in the forest didn't make Voldemort the master of the Elder Wand — the Wand already chose Harry, so Voldemort was never it's master. It's possible Draco was never the Elder Wand's master either and that it was Harry since the moment Dumbledore died, we can't tell for sure.

So that's it, kind of a short theory, but one I find interesting nonetheless.

[ao3screenshotss]

as someone who also grew up with multiple languages (our coinciding ones being english, chinese, and cantonese) I RELATE TO YOU LMAO. Like speaking cantonese is okay but i have no idea how to write. I know traditional chinese and I know the writing system for cantonese, at least in Hong Kong, relies on traditional but god I can't write more than a few handful of letters

NO CAUSE THE WAY I DIDNT EVEN KNOW CANTONESE WAS WRITTEN IN TRADITIONAL

MY JAPANESE TEACHER TOLD ME

JAPANESE??????? SHE DOESNT EVEN SPEAK MANDARIN OR CANTONESE 😭😭

LIKE OKAY I GET IT CAUSE THE KANJI BUT STILL

and don't worry anon you're doing better than me the only thing i can write in traditional are the ones that are the same in simplified 💀

OH LEMME TELL YOU THIS STORY

editing this cause i forgot to add context:

mandarin and cantonese are both types of chinese (they’re not dialects they’re branches but they have their own dialects) but nowadays when people say they’re learning chinese they tend to mean mandarin. i can only speak cantonese and can read, write and speak a bit of mandarin but canto speakers generally don’t understand mando speakers and vice versa unless they’ve learnt both languages

there’s traditional chinese and simplified chinese. in hong kong and guang dong (i think?) they speak cantonese which is written in traditional chinese. the rest of china (beijing etc. but NOT shanghai they speak shanghainese there might be some other places too for example hakka i think is spoken in the south) speaks mandarin which is written in simplified chinese

if you’d like to know more feel free to ask me but for now here’s the story!!!

i went to chinese school for 8 years right i quit a while back cause going back was too bad for my mental health (i would go anywhere like midnight in city and not be scared cause id think wow if i'm gone at least i don't have to continue chinese school)

so when i was there i was literally the WORST student i couldn't participate in class i failed all the tests and i never did the homework (i only slightly passed cause i cheated im sorry mum)

one day we had to do 作文 (essay writing) for homework and this was like grade 5 or something we just started doing them and i couldn't do them and felt so so guilty cause my teacher was so nice and could speak canto too so she spoke to me in that cause she knew i couldn't speak mando for shit

that week's homework was the first time we had to write an actual essay instead of the paragraphs we had to write the weeks before and the topic was like '我的家人' (my family) or something it was really easy so i was like hey!! i'll do the homework this week i like my teacher and this is a topic i can do so i'll try!!

so i tried

and i failed

half way through my knowledge failed me and i was stuck with '我的妈妈很喜欢画儿和' (my mum likes drawing and…) and i wanted to write gardening but i couldn't work it out and was like it's okay!!! i'll just google translate it!!

so i got out my trusty old laptop (its not trusty now it's just old) and google translated 'gardening'

'園藝' okay i don't know what that means or how to read it but it looks good enough so i'll just write it

and from that moment on, the second i used google translate i was screwed cause now that i had used it once i could use it for anything and everything

emphasis on the EVERYTHING cause now i had absolutely NO idea how to write the rest of my essay

so i was like 'hmmm you know what i'll do? i'll write it in english and then google translate it and copy it down! i'm a genius!!'

so i went and wrote my whole essay on a word doc and copy and pasted it into google translate

and i wrote down the translation word for word

and then i was finished!! i went in next week with my completed essay and finally got to hand it in to my teacher and i was so so proud of myself

i got my essay back at the end of the day and the only thing she wrote in that red pen was

'tina this is traditional chinese'

anyways i never handed in my homework again

[grrrrrarro]

Fallout4 characters with teen!sole

Bestie you are litteraly describing one of my oc's! Of course its purley platonic😊 teen!sole is also from valut and was in fidge for last 200years. I refer to them as 'kid' bcs thats how some of characters would probably treat them anyways. Also its a screenshot vuz I accidentally deleted the ask and luckily had some sort of proof

Maccready

The only guy here with any expirence with kids

Dad vibe

Type of guy who says "We need to cut it off" after Sole tells him their hand hurts

Will teach them how to shoot, hunt ect

Also scold them every time they talk with any shady people??? Like he really doesnt want them to end up like him with whole 'gunners incident'

He thinks that Sole would get along with Duncan well!

If Sole calls him 'dad' mans gotta be so happy

Deacon

Secretly worried about their saftey, like Commonwealth is dangerous place for trained adults, and for kids ESPECIALLY ones who have no knowlage about defence or weapons

But he never shows his worries, just hangs around being cool dude he is😎😎

Rich cousin/uncle vibe

You like this cool hat you saw like week ago? Boom see it apear inside your closed 2days later

His love language (quick remidner that love also can be platonic🙄😎) is giving them little gifts when they don't see him or leaving notes with remiders on them ^^

Quick reminder that he and his wife wanted to have kids! So yeah Sole makes him wonder if thats how it feels to have kids tbh

If Sole calls him 'dad' bro will freeze and panic, probably pretending that he thought that was a joke but he's sweating so hard rn

Hancock

Wtf a child? Here?

Bestie you really shouldn't be here

If Sole is in this cringy teen phase when they do drugs/cigarettes, watch him say stuff like "drugs=bad" meanwhile taking some mentats

Your friendly local drug dealer vibe

Dude gonna teach them how to manipulate assholes, trow knifes, gaslight and still look stylish

If Sole ever tells him about their parents he will be angry, like ??? Why would anyone do anything to a kid???

He will litteraly pay fahrenheit to watch them when he's busy

Preson

"Fire, pretty sky and a lot of storytelling in middle of nowhere" vibe

Im 100% sure he knows how to play on guitar and will try to teach them

He will try to act mature and lead them to the right path but he won't try to be their "new perent" unless Sole is clear that they see him as father figure, he will never even bring this up.

When they call him 'dad' mans will be the happiest minuteman in history. Also if kid will even mention their past caretakers he will just tell them to forget about them cuz they aren't coming back and they are never going to hurt Sole anymore

Gage

How on earth some kid killed Colter? No one knows but Gage is impressed.

He gets annoyed by lack of knowlage and skills, ye ye he gets that they are like 13 or something but come on hes not going to do anything for them. Huh what do you mean you are from valut? Before the war?? Damn kid and im happy to be alive. Stop lying

*sighs* "jesus boss let me do it"

Older brother vibes.

"How many times i have to tell you, dont hang out with pack members they have bad influence on you AND do not even think about going near Nisha"

He needs to learn ALOT he dumped his family and even if he had younger siblings he never really took care of anyone, never, so yeah it is challenging

If Sole somehow calls him 'dad' they were probably incredibly tired or something very emotional happened. No matter how it happend Gage will ignore it and later overthink when Sole wont be around, like ??? Me??? Gee what kind of parental figure this kid had?? Should I check on them more often??

Danse

Uhh erm a child ee greeting?

Akward

At first he sees Sole as lil civilan and just tells them where to find nearest safe place/diamond city cuz hes very very busy and cant take care of child while on duty. If kid hangs around more he will probably warm up

Of course he will ask about their parents but when Sole tells him some upsetting stuff he won't ask again, he won't tell them to go home either. He will just idk let them vibe

I can imagine Sole just tagging along his missions by just begging him to hang out with them constantly. They quickly get along. Very lonley soldier and kid who lost everyone.

One of those 'depressed dude adopts random child he found in middle of knowhere' prompt

When Sole calls him 'dad' he gonna get emotional fr fr pls civilan he's on duty he cant cry rn 😭

Yall I loved writting for gage i might do part 2 with Gage just trying to figure out how kids work. Also another pole cuz I still have no clue how to delete those on phone. And as always, I used x reader tags ONLY to reach bigger audience 🦊